work ruins your life… most of the time.
Saturday, November 4th, 2006wahoo! finally found the energy (and time) to update my blog. just a short entry though - i didn’t log in prepared to create an entry.. it just happened. so, since i don’t really want to spend too much time on the net (someone might be trying to call, need to free up the phone lines, ack!), i’ll make this a quick one…
most important news for the moment is..
i think i want to resign… again.
crap. what’s new, diba? i ALWAYS think of resigning from my job… i just never really get around to actually fixing up my papers (and more importantly, finding a better job!). anyway, what brought this on, you might ask. last friday, i joined a few friends for a few drinks (they had the drinks, i just wanted to chill out…) and while i sat there watching the people pass by, they started talking about their jobs… and how it felt good to LOVE what you do. how essential it was to LOVE YOUR WORK in order for one to become really successful.
…alright, fine. maybe that wasn’t the exact topic. i did have one long island iced tea and i was tired… i was only half-listening to what they were talking about. but anyway, the topic hit home. i hate the fact that i sit in front of a computer 5 days a week with a headset on my head while i listen to people’s problems. i HATE APOLOGIZING to people and DEFENDING POLICIES EVEN I THINK IS UNFAIR. it sucks. it really, really sucks. i find myself back to the point where i only go to work because: a) i just really want to see my friends there, and b) i just really need to make some money.
sometimes, i lay awake for hours on end just thinking of where i should be at 23. (look at me, i’m 23… beautiful but SAD TO SEE tonight..) i keep thinking about how my life would’ve gone if i had written down "International Studies -Japan" in my first choice of course in DLSU… if i had just gone the extra mile and studied - ACTUALLY STUDIED!!! - for the entrance exams… maybe i could’ve made it into a scholarship program or something. i don’t really know how that would’ve gone, but one thing’s for sure… i wouldn’t be the me i am today. would i have been a better ‘me’? perhaps. i’ll never know and anyway, it’s pointless to ask oneself these kinds of questions since there’s no solid answer for these kinds of things. best i can do is thank my lucky stars that i met Sky… they keep me young and i realized that the last time i was out with Twish. (SKY: i miss the old days. sarap mag-reminisce talaga!)
…they say that realizing you’re wrong is the first step to making yourself a better person. i’ve realized i was wrong to ever enter this godforsaken industry… i need to get out of it. i need to find a new job. but then, of course - ONCE AGAIN! - i’m just too tired to get off my ass and look for a new job. that, plus i’m psyching myself up a bit since the holidays are just around the corner. can’t be without money during the holidays - nope, nope, nope… i wonder when the next step of the whole process for self-betterment (is there such a word?? bahala na…) begins for someone like me…
i am my own worst enemy. crap.
ANG TAMAD MO!!!
(errmm… looks like this turned out to be longer than i had originally planned. oh well. that’s me for you - i say one thing, i do another. crap. need to work on that.)
