~L0st iN My 0wN miNd~

no, i’m not suicidal or anything close to it. that’s just the title of the song i’m currently listening to. naaliw ako kaya eto… pino-post ko na naman ang lyrics niya. hehe, aliw kasi ang ang kulit. ^____^

Motion City Soundtrack’s

"L.G. Fuad"

Let’s get fucked up and die..
I’m speaking figuratively, of course..
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide..
Yeah, so I’m already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I have learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it’s like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I’m addicted to words and they’re useless.

(In this department)
Let’s get fucked up and die..
I’m riding hard on the last lines of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I’m about to explode.
I’m a mess, I’m a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds..
And all the things that don’t get old..
Is it legal to do this? I surely don’t know.
It’s the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples’ descriptions of life..
I’m afraid I’m alone and entirely useless…

(In this department)
Let’s get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling
we’ll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That still shock and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I’ll win, but for now I’ve decided to die.

Sister soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I’m hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor store’s closed,
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys ’til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department)

when playing, i usually end up just hearing the instruments of the song i’m listening to but i don’t really dwell too much on the lyrics. this song pulled me out of my habit and hahahahaha!!! i don’t know why i found this song funny… but i did. and i still do. go figure.XD

spent the whole afternoon checking this stage out and trying to figure out how to achieve the Silent Assassin ranking… AND AGAIN IT PAID OFF! WAHOOO!!! i’m so happy! (ang sarap pag mababaw ang kaligayahan…) here’s another newspaper article that made me smile that i just had the urge to post it for everyone else to read. hope it brings a smile to your face as well:

CATS SPARK KILLER EXPLOSION
by Frederique Benet

   A powerful explosion ripped through a residential neighborhood of the Parisien suburb of Bondy late last night, destroying three homes and killing five.
   Though residents feared at first they’d been victimized by terrorism, police investigation into the incident suggests the cuplrit may have been much less formidable.
   "There appears to have been a gas leak in the area," Lieutenant Jean Mercur of the Metropolitan Police reports, "so the only question we’re left with is what triggered the spark that set it off? And I’m sad to say the answer seems to have been furry and adorable."
   The lieutenant was referring to the more than twenty-four feline companions of Marie-Louise Kessel, aged 84, who died in the blast. Police are speculating that it was a discharge of static electricity by one or more of the cats that sparked the powerful explosion.
   "Anyone who’s ever owned a long-haired cat knows they can generate static shocks when you touch them. Based on the evidence we’ve been able to gather-which hasn’t been pretty-it looks like Mrs. Kessel may have reached out to stroke one of her cats and ended up detonating the neighborhood."
   The lieutenant stressed that many people have had long and rewarding relationships with long-haired cats without ever experiencing any fatal explosions.
   "It’s pretty unusual," he said.

and as an additional sort of bonus for me, i decided to post the paper’s headline. i mean, after all… they were talking about me.  hehe, but don’t tell anyone of course otherwise, i’d have to kill you too. *wink* i’d have to kill you in the same manner as the two poor saps i was hired to kill in this level - they never knew what was coming. *sssiiiigggghhhh* my mother should be soooo proud of me. at 23, i’m already making headlines all around the world! nyahahahahaha!!! ^___^

i’m so happy! actually, kahapon pa ako masaya kasi ang ganda ng gising ko. ginising kasi ako dahil tumawag daw yung canon marketing with news about my canon camera (which i’ve been trying to get repaired for the past three weeks!). syempre kahit groggy at sumasakit-sakit ang mga binti, dali-daling sinagot yung telepono diba?

"Ma’am Cristina?"

"Yes?"

"This is Sylvester from Canon Marketing. Ma’am, we received your warranty information and na-waive na po yung charges. We’ll proceed with repairs and call you back once you can pick up your camera…"

so it pays to fight for your rights after all. *beaming* after i put the phone down, i was all smiles and the world suddenly seemed less problematic. ehehehe… madrama ng onti pero i’m just so glad that that’s one problem down. now, out of the 5 major things that was causing me sleepless nights, i’m down to 3.

     i left the house at 10am. dropped by the family office to check for my ID which might have been left with my tita. got to starmall/shangrila at 11am. reached megamall by 1130 (hah! right as i predicted!). finally had my atm pin activated which means that at least i’ve solved one of my problems (wahoOoO!! now, xxx more probLems to go! *ulp*..) checked out st. francis’ square for 30 minutes for a copy of hitman 3, but finding none, decided to try my luck at galleria instead. reached galleria 15 minutes after i left podium (on my way to galle, i played a game where i would have to guess the car brand before the car passed me by and i noticed i was saying ‘toyota’ almost ever other time… ang dami palang toyota dito sa pinas! 0_0). searched all pc and cellphone shops in galleria for hitman and a nice looking phone (respectively) and after i’ve had my fill, i went over to greenhills this time. went around looking for a particular spice my mom had been looking for. i didn’t find it, so i checked out cellphones (samsung’s e360 starting to look good, especially since it comes in matte black! oohhh… co0L!) and perfumes (hmm.. kenzo’s Flower brings back memories! it reminds me of my My Little Pony doll, "Wistaria Violet" a.k.a "Coney", for some reason…). after i’ve had my fill of mall hopping, i started off for home via the wilson st route, occassionally stopping by the foreign convenience stores scattered along the way (to look for the seven-spice packets my mom wanted). when i started this blog entry, i had just returned home and drank two glasses of water plus a glass of nesvita with milk (healthy! yum!) and my watch read 3:05pm. what a day!

     i’m just resting for a spell before i take a much-needed shower, which is why i decided to soundtrip a bit while writing all this down. maaaannnn… i feel sooooo drained. haha, bigla ko lang naalalang that, once, while i was around the wilson area, i partially stumbled because my head was getting real heavy and i had apparently closed my eyes for a second longer that a blink. it was the kind of heaviness that tells you you’ll need to find a bed real soon because you’ll be dropping down in exhaustion any moment… haaaayyyy… kasi naman diba? todo walkathon ginawa? yep, you read it right. walkathon. today i had sworn off all available modes of transportation (pedicab, tricycle, jeep, bus, train… heck! even my mom’s offer for a ride to the mall!) and i’m proud to say i survived it. ehehe… yun nga lang, ang dungis ng feeling. ilang libo ba naman kasing kotse ang nadaanan ko eh… yech!

     yuuuuuun nga lang. i don’t think i’ll be repeating this ‘adventure’ anytime soon. hmm… not unless mapagtripan kong maglakad papuntang market market naman o kaya glorietta… hmm… nope. won’t happen anytime soon.

HHehehe, thought i’d share a few of the news stories that made the headlines of the newspaper in the game i just recently finished. Read on and be amused. ^___^

HEADLINE #1:

POODLE EXPLODES IN MICROWAVE, KILLING 2
by Hannah Madeline

   At first the neighbors thought a bomb had gone off.
   "It was quiet like usual for a weeknight," Harry Cornack recalls, "and I was just having a little dinner in front of the tv, when all of a sudden BLAM! The walls shook, the windows rattled, and I thought, "Good lord, we’re under attack!"
Fortunately, or unfortunately, it wasn’t a bomb or grenade taht had gone off in a neighboring apartment. It was a poodle.
   Moira Cohen, Cornack’s next-door neighbor for more than thirty years, had just given her toy poodle ""Mrs. Dinky" a bath and was in a hurry to dry and groom her in time for Mrs. Dinky’s showing at the Ugly Dog Show.
   She apparently made the fateful decision to put the dog in the microwave after her blow-dryer shorted out.
   "Most people aren’t aware of certain explosive properties of the common toy poodle," Las Vegas Police forensic examiner Grant Cheek observes "Nature has, for reasons of her own, equipped toy poodles with certain super-charged hormonal secretions that have two unusual properties they swell dramatically in heat, and they’re extremely incendiary. You may recall the military’s infamous "Poodle Bomb" experiments twoard the end of the Cold War. The Whigham Commission put a quick stop to that, but each and every toy poodle out there is still a potential bomb.
   Mrs. Cohen was apparently as unaware as most Americans of the exploding toy poodle phenomenon, and she and her long-time companion Gertrude McCarthy paid for the oversight with their lives.
   Mrs. Dinky received a posthumous Honorable Mention from the Ugly Dog Show.

HEADLINE #2:

Kids’ Lemonade Stand Condemned And Demolished
By Geena Carmella

   Hannah, Spohie, and Molli Cousins, aged 8, 6, and 2, respectively, stood on the corner of Maple and Broad Streets yesterday afternoon and watched with tears in their eyes as their hand-made lemonade stand was demolished by municipal workers.
   The three sisters had been operating their lemonade stand for several days, charging a quarter per glass of their homemade lemonade.
   But their stand apparently siphoned some business from nearby convenience-store owner Bob Klontz, who contacted local authorities and insisted the girls’ lemonade stand be held to the same standards as any other local business.
   Not surprisingly, the girls’ amateur workmanship and substandard hygiene failed to pass inspection. The stand was condemne, and two workers were sent out to dismantle it.
   Mr. Klontz looked on with approval and even applauded as the workers wrenched the wobbly stand apart. A bulldozer idled nearby [Cont'd, p. 4]

hahaha, sayang naputol yung 2nd story! sounds like my kind of guy… *wink*

low at first, high the next… i told you i needed a shrink. @_@

P.S. Happy birthday Neille! ^___^ LIbre ka naman!

this was, by far, the worst day of my life. allow me to recap my day from start to finish so that the people out there who’ve been feeling bad about their lives can take a break and contemplate how better off they are that they aren’t me (at least for today).

the events enumerated (in order):

1. the moment i woke up, i realized i missed the last two episodes of last night’s FMAlchemist marathon.

2. i also missed out on last night’s episode of nip/tuck! argh!!! my sunday night routine gone haywire!

3. stayed on the line for TWO FREAKING HOURS just waiting for someone from ambergris’ comp&ben line to pick up. geez! i just wanted to ask them if my backpay was ready…

4. i called canon marketing and HAD TO RE-EXPLAIN my situation to the CSR who answered my call. the guy was once again giving me the breakdown of how much it would cost to get my camera fixed. after patiently re-explaining my situation, i asked him if there were any notes at least on my file records that say they received my faxed warranty information. his answer?

"Ma’am Cristina, walang nakalagay, pero pwede niyo ulit i-fax yung papers kung gusto niyo…"

sumabog ako at this point. i asked for the person who previously handled my call and he said she was engaged in another call. i asked for the supervisor i attentioned the faxes to, and he proceeded to tell me again to fax my stuff, this time attentioning it to "CAT" (Customer Assistance Team). i asked for the supervisor, he continued to give me his assurance that things would be fixed once i re-fax my freakin’ documents! i told him i wouldn’t do so unless i hear from either of the two i asked for. he said he’d have one of them return my call as soon as possible.

5. the canon rep called me back and apologized for the delays in addressing my concern. i asked if she received my faxes, she said yes. i asked what the verdict was, and she said i would have to fax my documents again. i counted to five. silence.

"i’m sorry… why do i need to fax it again?"
"ma’am, nagkapaper-jam yung fax machine namin kaya hindi nakumpleto yung na-receive namin."
"i have to fax everything again because you guys had a paper jam?! i faxed my papers to both of the numbers you gave me last time! are you telling me that BOTH got paper-jammed at the precise moment that i chose to send my warranty information?!!"
"no ma’am… yung isa po, hindi siya clear kaya hindi namin mabasa yung numbers…"

nakakagigil! she asked me to fax everything again, and i asked for an email address instead. i told her i’d send the docs through email instead para wala nang paper jam incidents.

6. i looked for my receipt among my things, and because i couldn’t find it, i asked my mom if she’d seen it. she said it was with my tita (who had the documents faxed for me the last time). sigeeee… ayos lang. i said to myself "at least it’s safe with tita..". i figured i could just pick it up from the office after i returned from megamall. i asked my kuya to just set up the scanner at home so that when i got home with the receipt, i could just scan it then send it out immediately after.

7. at megamall, i first went to the BPI kiosk to withdraw money and to have my payroll atm pin activated. we were told we’d need two valid IDs to have it activated and i did bring two (my old SSS ID and my school alumni card—> which has never failed me yet…). i got to the counter and handed them my IDs and payroll card. the guy handed it back and said the cards i provided were invalid. i asked why. he said they need cards with my picture, name, and signature printed on them (sabay labas ng nakatagong cardboard notice that listed the IDs they considered valid and whaddaya know? a BIRTH CERTIFICATE was listed as one of those they accept… since when did they start giving out birth certs with PICTURES on them for crying out loud?!!). i noticed "school I.D." listed on the notice and pointed it out to the teller. invalid pa rin kasi daw alumni na ako, meaning i’m not a student anymore so that disqualified me from using that as proof of identification. ((*&@%%#(*&@^_@$%#!!! i strode away growling, grinding my teeth together in anger, and cursing my luck (or rather, lack of…).

8. i received a text from my mom saying that, according to my tita’s secretary, the receipt for my camera was with my tita… and then i received a text message from my tita saying she’d need to ask her secretary where my receipt was. oohhhh boy! naghanapan pa!

9. i went straight to ace hardware to buy my mom’s portable stove. not wanting to waste time looking for the right aisle, i walked straight to the first attendant i saw and she confidently pointed out the direction of the aisle with stoves. i thanked her and headed off in that specific direction only to find out she directed me to an aisle full of mirrors! i searched the surrounding areas for the stove but after going through all of them, i finally asked another attendant.

he pointed me in the direction i just came from and figuring i had nothing to lose, i strode off in that direction… only to find out that the aisle i was looking for was around 3-5 aisles away from where i asked the first person i went to. crap.

10. about my payroll dilemma, i thought of securing an ID they would consider valid (an SSS ID, postal ID, and passport were the things i thought i’d be able to get the easiest since driver’s licenses and credit cards were out of the question). i asked my mom how long it would take to secure a new SSS ID… she said it wouldn’t take too long but it would depend on the lines at the sss office i go to. at least things started looking brighter for me… then she texted saying that the receipt was at my tita’s house so i’ll only be able to get it around 6/7-ish when my tita gets home.

11. i left megamall to go to the nearest sss id and was given the appropriate form to fill up. i asked the teller how long it would take to get my new ID. 2-3 months. crap. she must’ve seen how my face became devoid of all emotion since she smiled apologetically and said, "ang tagal noh?" i nodded numbly, grabbed my unfinished form and threw it in the trash as i walked out of the office.

12. when i got home, my kuya had finished setting up the scanner at the third floor bedroom. he told me that i’d need a very long extension line to make the pc work though since all the sockets in the room stopped working. i thanked him then locked myself in the bathroom for a good hour or so…

13. after i washed the dye from my hair and painted my nails black to suit my mood, i picked up the phone and tried to call comp&ben again. i was on hold for 30 minutes before i decided to ring the receptionist instead. she told me the person i was looking for wouldn’t be in today because it was PASIG DAY. they didn’t have office hours because it was a holiday for them. 2 1/2 hours of my life wasted… i passed by my kuya who asked me what i was going to do about the extension cord i needed and without thinking, i answered, "bahala na. tinatamad na rin akong send yan ngayon…"

14. i called the cellphone repair shop i surrendered my brother’s phone to. it was still failing tests even after 15 days of repair. i asked them if it would be possible to simply replace the unit (though this would be hard on us all as the unit undergoing repairs initially belonged to my papa…). she said that it would be possible but it could another 2-3 weeks for Nokia Philippines to have it replaced. wala na akong nasabi pa kundi thank you. my mom  asked me what was wrong and i ended up ranting about everything that happened today. she suggested i get some sleep to clear my head. i did something better: i watched Rent.

WILL I - OST Rent
"Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?"

my streak of bad luck and bad news ended after the movie finished. buti na lang. with everything that happened today, i doubt if i could handle another bit of bad news.

i think i need a shrink.0_o