~L0st iN My 0wN miNd~

I’m feeling so bad And Lord it feels so good Just wallowin’ low Down the dark alleys of my neighbourhood Don’t tell me to perk Don’t tell me to sparkI’m loving every minute of this dark heart Ooh baby I got them black heart blues

You say I’ll emerge My demons all purged You say I can change All I need is the urge You want me to smile I’ve got bile in my throat Right now I’m hell and I’m takin’ off my coat Ooh baby I got them black heart blues

it’s "Blackheart Blues" by Melissa Forbes. it actually ends nicely enough but i just can’t bring myself to include the end just yet. doesn’t suit me. moody ako ngayon eh. asar sa buhay dahil wala akong magawa pero marami akong gustong gawin PERO wala naman akong pera para gawin ang mga gusto ko. kaya eto. sa bahay lang ulit. pine-perfect ko na lang rating ko sa hitman. paulit-ulit lang.

paulit ulit ulit ulit ulit ulit ulit ulit ulit…

show me a person who is truly content. a person who wants absolutely nothing more for himself and for others. hirap noh? we all want something. but that’s supposed to be a good thing, right? wanting something? it should inspire you to move in the direction that would allow you to achieve whatever it is your heart desires. but.. what if what you want is something you know you can NEVER, EVER, EVER have? that’s when the wanting hurts. that’s when it hurts the most. why? because you know that no matter how hard you try - no matter how perfect you may have made youself seem - you will never have that which you want the most. naranasan niyo na ba yun? when you find yourself afraid (yes, afraid) to even think about that certain something because whenever you do, you sink into a fit of depression? you reach a point where you feel as if a thousand little figures with tiny pitchforks launch a do or die attack on your heart? sasabog na ang utak mo sa hilo? ang kulit noh? wala… i’m ranting. i loooooove to torture myself with questions i know i’ll never learn the answers to. i’m just a masochistic, problematic, neurotic slip of a girl trying to play a woman’s role in the stage play we call "aNaCriSm’s Life". showing for one lifetime only! get your seats reserved at a bargain! discounted price for groups! baliw lang talaga ako. wag niyo na lang ako pansinin. hahahahaha…*sulks*

the problem with me is that, when it comes to my life, i only understand one side of the coin. the other side’s plain gibberish.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 15th, 2006 at 12:16 am and is filed under thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.