anong klaseng buhay nga ba naman ito?!
things never go according to plan. when will i ever learn? THEY NEVER GO ACCORDING TO PLAN. kahit na mukhang magja-jackpot ka na sa mga plano mo sa buhay, kahit sobrang andun na ang lahat ng kelangan mo para sumaya ka’t matupad ang mga plano mo… may sasablay at may sasablay pa rin. buwisit.
*sigh* again i find myself sinking deeper into an ocean of so many lies and fake promises. i learned before that i should never expect things (though this is virtually an impossible feat, i think i was able to accomplish it at least 80% of the way…) so at least that way, i’m never disappointed. i never saddened by the fact that things didn’t go as expected… i never feel what i feel right now.
i guess this is why my life is so fucked up right now. somewhere along the way, i’ve learned to NOT worry about the future (too much). I’ve become adept at it that i am unable to foresee where i’ll be 5 years from now. hell, who am i kidding? i don’t even know where i’ll be a month from now. galing noh? i’m so special…
i’m tired of all these emotional battles. i wish that just once - at least JUST ONCE! - in my life, i can just let loose. forsake every responsibility i have and just not worry about consequences or feelings after. let the true me come out and play. pero syempre, hindi pwede yun. whatever i do will have consequences. and if it doesn’t have an effect on me, it will have its effects on others, then guilt would creep in… ah, crap.
i think i need another sort of distraction… another vacation? hahaha, napapadalas na ata masyado yang mga hirit kong ganyan. sunod-sunod naman ang mga outings ko, so i don’t understand what i want anymore. obviously, outings aren’t enough to cure me of this sickness.
i wish i could just quit.
magsi-alisan nga kayong lahat… gusto kong mag-isa muna.
