~L0st iN My 0wN miNd~

it has happened. the stress brought about by last week has finally caught up with me.

stress levels have reached an all-time high. for those who dislike me for whatever reasons, this is your time to shine. i’ve been weakened. left vulnerable. emotionally unstable. hit me while i’m down pero shyet! humanda kayo pag bumangon na ako sa kalagayan ko! gaganti din ako!

though yesterday, i got to unwind a bit. played burn-out revenge to relieve some of the stress. HAHAHA! ang kulit ng game! the soundtrack’s good too! to anyone who loves racing games AND is just dying to violate all existing traffic rules, try the game. you’ll love it. HAHAHA! may sinat ako kahapon pero gigil na gigil ako sa ibang driver, pag nilampasan ako, napapasigaw ako. shyet, how exciting that after only 4 hours of driving, i am now a certified DANGEROUS driver. =D

but still, now that i’m not playing the game, i’m back to my weakened condition. (talk about mood swings! whew!)

it’s a crappy thing to be me right now.

SAVE ME - unwritten law

Had a bad day, don’t talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.

And I’m sick of my sickness
Don’t touch me, you’ll get this.
I’m useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.

You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
Well I’m waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything’s my fault.

Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop. (whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucking thanks a lot.

I had to relapse, I’m bad at rehabs
It ruins everything. (whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He’s in the pharmacy.

And I’m a death threat haven’t slept yet,
Baby why the wake up call
I’m the bad boy tell the tabloids
everything’s my fault.

Whoa whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa whoa everything’s my fault,
everything’s my fault.

I went to heaven, but couldn’t get in,
For what I have done.
I said please take me, they said you’re crazy
you had too much fun.

You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,(everything’s my fault)
You can’t save me,
You can’t change me,

Everything’s my fault

the journey in life can sometimes really suck, especially if you’re forced (or if you decided) to take a backseat in Life’s car. but then again, sometimes, taking the backseat can also be fun if the people with you back there are all trippy.

so, to everyone who made the trip unforgettable: thanks for making life easier.

i’m so freaking BORED right now.

buwisit… buwisit talaga ang buhay pag walang excitement. ASAR!!!

AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

seriously, you have to appreciate blogs. it’s a means of venting or glorifying in whatever shit or diamonds life throws at you without bothering anyone. basically, only those interested enough to know what’s been happening to you would check your blog anyway, so at least you’re not "forcing" anyone to listen to you rant or rave. and best of all, at least in this way, things don’t get awkward. whoever’s "listening" to you doesn’t really need to reply to what you say… it’s enough that they were curious enough to check out what you’ve written. never mind if they didn’t exactly stay long enough to read your entire entry… at least they dropped by.

by the way, because it was my current obssession, i’ve decided to post the lyrics to:

EVER THE SAME - (Rob Thomas)

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn’t tell you but I’m telling you now

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it’s cold and we’re scared
And we’ve both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn’t need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me
Forever it’s you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you’re no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I’ll not forget
But I can only give you love

ain’t it nice to find a song that can have you in tears in a few seconds because of no particular reason at all? ang sarap ng feeling. sobra. lalo na pag ang daming mong iniisip? no matter how small or seemingly insignificant your thoughts may seem, remember: things add up. they always do. and a time comes when you need an outlet.

some bitch about it. some wreck things. some hurt themselves. some hurt those closest to them. some go shopping. some pig out. me… i prefer to lock myself in the bathroom every once in a while and have a good cry. sit in there for anywhere from a few minutes to several hours (bahala na kung anong iniisip ng pamilya ko pag ilang oras na ako naka-lock sa banyo) just staring at whatever (i notice i find myself looking mostly outside the window {pucha, ang drama naman!}, at my hands, or at my reflection) and just letting everything fall. after that, i’m okay. i find i really am okay. hehe, emotions, i find myself thinking, are much like shitting. you get into the bathroom, wait till everything comes out, and you come out feeling all "clean" again. sheesh… what an analogy.

ever the same. in case you’ve been wondering, that’s the song that triggered this round with the most recent thoughts i’ve been trying to ignore. ever heard of it? it’s rob thomas’s latest (?) single and i knew from the first time i heard it that i just had to get a copy of the song. well, a few days back, i finally found a copy and there you go, first night i got home and had the track on my mp3, i was in love (haha, and i found myself locked in the bathroom after such a long time…)…

but then, like all other emotions, i’m once again finding that love is temporary. i’ve graduated (or at least i’m already somewhere close to that) from that song. easy come, easy go. i’m now on the hunt for another… and i can’t wait to find it. that song that makes me think of everything and nothing.

hmm… perhaps that’s why i’m always so hungry for new songs. the feelings evoked by a single song isn’t enough to keep me interested in it for a long time. hmm.. i just remembered one time i thought this would change though. i was still in college (feels like so long ago) and i had had a rough day. there i was, sitting in the dark, staring at nothing in particular when someone very talented and close to me came into the room i happened to be in. he briefly glanced in my direction and told me he’d play something for me to help me relax. when he started playing the piano, i had to lower my head because it turned out to be one of those songs…

i’ll be honest in saying that i don’t remember the melody of the composition he played, but what i felt back then, that i will remember forever. so to you, dear friend, if you still remember that day, forgive me if i never thanked you for what you did. i couldn’t find the words back then, but now i have. two simple words: thank you. plus two more: so much.